a place i want to be.

what could be more delightful than sipping coffee under the stars at this cafe?

concert chronicle.

there are few things in this world that excite me like the thrill of hearing a favorite song performed live by a favorite artist. it doesn't get better than witnessing their passion, their skill and their artistry in person. i went to a multitude of concerts of this year. top five of the year include:

1. missy higgins
2. joshua radin
3. mat kearney
4. bethany dillon
5. U2

as it is the end of the decade, i thought i'd make note of the very first concert i ever went to in 2000, which sparked my passion of attending concerts: *NYSNC (oh, how my taste in music has changed since then!). i will say, though, that those boys put on a good show, no matter the cheese factor.

fa la la la la.

it's christmas break! four weeks with nothing more to do than read, watch movies and tv, travel, eat goodies and hang out with friends and family.

a few things on the to do list:

read this: Holidays on Ice by David Sedaris
and this: Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott

catch up on this: West Wing
and this: Bones

go here: Chicago

i am in heaven. i love christmas break!

fancying mr. darcy.

colin firth: what is it about him that i love?

is it the accent? the charm? the handsome appearance? the humble demeanor? no matter what the appeal, i think he's fantastic.

though it's a departure from his usual roles, i'm quite excited to see him in the upcoming movie, A Single Man. it's supposed to be a hauntingly beautiful story. plus, i'm totally obsessed with the fact that it's a sixties era piece. i love the retro glasses and dresses!

a little winter cheer.

please enjoy some holiday joy courtesy of the weepies. i need it as i study for finals on this not-so-wintery day (70 degrees is not appropriate for december).



all that i want right now is for christmas break to arrive. just two more days! i could also use a little of this too:


let it snow!

a resolution for a new way of life.

i just read this article from the New York Post about the smallest apartment in NYC, which is a whopping 175 square feet. it's so small that there isn't even a closet, and the couple who lives there stores their clothes in what are intended to be kitchen cabinets.

as absolutely insane as it may seem for two adults to live in a space that is the size of a dorm room, i am inspired by their simple lifestyle. one of the biggest goals i've had for my life over the last year is to really cut back on the amount of things i buy and downsize the amount of things i already own in an effort to focus more on really living life and to place less importance on the things i have.

i'm not really big on making new year's resolutions because i know how easy it is to fail and then feel defeated. this year, however, i am going to use the turn of the new year as an opportunity for me to implement the kind of simple lifestyle i want to have. now, i'm not sure if i can commit to clearing out my closet full of Gap clothes just yet, but i hope to get there.

baby steps, people, baby steps.

dresses, tights and boots.

three things i am utterly obsessed with right now. also, three things which i have not quite infused my wardrobe with yet this season, but plan to soon, as my mom just snagged some great boots for me at a thrift shop for approximately $10. as they say on project runway: fierce.

p.s. speaking of dresses and project runway, please check out this photo featuring the work of my favorite designer of last season, Carol Hannah. if there ever was a collection that i would want to own every piece of, hers would make the cut. love, love, love it.

worth a second chance.

you know how sometimes you see or hear something, think it's particularly awful and vow that you could never like it? here's a few that i have recently seen in a new light:



kings of leon, "use somebody": i once loathed this song because of the lead singer's whiny-screaming voice. now i can't get the catchy tune and lyrics out of my head.


chuck bass from gossip girl: proof that even the worst of people can be redeemed. chuck went from an utterly despicable ladies' man to a sweet, protective boyfriend. i kind of love his relationship with blair now (yes, i'm talking about these characters as if they are real. don't judge).


sushi: i won't describe all the reasons why i disliked sushi before, but now i can say that it is most delicious. i'm glad i gave it another shot.

an esoteric taste.

frequently, when asked what kind of music i listen to, i find myself replying with, "you've probably never heard of them."

while i try not to subscribe to the notion of exclusivity, it's quite nice to feel like i know of an artist that few others know about, one that is a little off the beaten path. it's like being a member of a secret club. not only is it fun to "discover" an artist myself, but it's also a pleasant surprise when i find someone else who is a fan, as i can assume that they probably dig past the surface to find music too. and of course, one of the greatest things about being a fan of an obscure artist is being able to see them perform live in the tiniest of venues.

in some cases, it's not so bad to be exclusive.

old maid? not in the cards for me (hopefully).

so, i was having a chat with my grandmother on thanksgiving. she asked the question: "do you have a boyfriend?" of course, i replied with the usual, "no, i'm single." easy answer. that was supposed to be the end of the conversation.

then my grandma decides to add, "you're not going to be an old maid are you?"

umm, no, grandma i have no plans of becoming an "old maid," but i am in no hurry to get married either. sure, it would be nice to have a boyfriend, but i'm quite content without one right now. i'm only 24, and i'd prefer to be selective when it comes to dating and marriage. i really wouldn't want to be Cath (see below).

so adorable it's ridiculous.

revive me.

lately i've been in a pretty odd place in my life, feeling really apathetic and out of sorts, for seemingly no reason. the best conclusion i can draw is that i haven't been seeking God nearly enough, and oh, how much i need Him!

I spread out my hands to you;

my soul thirsts for you

like a parched land.

Psalm 143:6

the yellow house.

i have just begun reading a book called The Yellow House. it is about the two months that the artists Van Gogh and Paul Gauguin lived together in a little yellow house in the south of France. as i delve into the glimpse of their lives during this period of time, i am just fascinated by the pieces of information i have already learned about Van Gogh. from his battle with mental illness to his desperate desire to stave off loneliness to his explosive creativity (much of which was never recognized during his life), his time in that yellow house was spent finding the balance between light and dark, fullness and emptiness, joy and sorrow. so far it is a very interesting portrayal of such a brilliant man.

i also just found a blog composed of the letters and notes that Van Gogh wrote over the years. it is quite intriguing.

christmas comes but once a year.

winter. december. christmastime.

i could not be more happy about the arrival of this season. a few of my favorite things:

tree with lights.

peppermint mocha.

classic christmas movie.

however, of all the things about this season that make me happy, there is one that is better than the rest. please check out Advent Conspiracy, and help begin to make Christmas less about the superficial and more about Jesus again.



p.s. thank you to my dear roommate for the inspiration for this post's title!

not safe, but good.

i recently listened to a little snippet by Derek Webb about the Gospel. in it, he brought up an excellent reminder of one of the attributes of God. he discussed C.S. Lewis' character of Aslan, the lion from the allegory The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. how powerful of a statement he makes about just how wild and untamed God is. God is like a lion; He can't be contained or fit into whatever paradigm we want. one of the biggest flaws in Christianity today is that we have created this watered down and safe version of who God is.

i am learning more and more that God is unpredictable. the kind of life that He has called us to live as Christians is not guaranteed to be easy. how fast we fall into the trap of devoting our time and passion to things that aren't as risky and that give instant gratification. i am often quite guilty of ignoring those aspects of the Gospel that i'm afraid of or that could make my life complicated, but what will come from taking those steps of faith is much more than i can even possibly imagine.

because though God is not safe, He is so, so good.

teenage love?

seriously, why is this dude loved so passionately by hoards of teens all over the world? i mean, he's pasty white, way too serious, a bit of a creep and not to mention, a VAMPIRE and not REAL.

sorry, girls. i think i'll stick to the one i was smitten with in my teenage years.

much better, right?

get out of the box and step into the clear.

truth: i, for many years, have kept myself trapped in a little box. i have a pretty warped perception of myself that comes from the way i have always felt that my personality determines i should be. because i was "quiet" growing up, i saw myself as boring. i stayed in that little box in order to protect myself from getting hurt by those who might not find me interesting or fun. in turn, my actions led to others putting me in a box of their own. it became a vicious cycle of frustration and irritation, one that seemed completely impossible to escape from.

just in the last year or so, i have finally allowed myself to be myself, who i really am, and not much else. of course, remnants of those urges to hide my quirks still remain. i am still leery of what others' judgement of me may be and at times that prevents me from doing things that i would definitely do otherwise. but, i would say, 99.9% (ok, maybe just 97%) of the time, i make the choices i think are best for me.

the most recent episode of ugly betty touched on this topic, and i totally identified with betty. first off, i think ugly betty deserves more acclaim as a tv show for it's perfect mix of the most hilarious and the serious aspects of life. secondly, way to go betty for being totally weird and spunky! i love it. anyway, on the last episode, betty was feeling trapped in her own little box, created by her own view of herself and the opinions of her family. but betty, being resilient as she is, smashed that box and helped to remove some of her own hesitations about herself. it was such a great reminder for me.

betty = awesome.

tomorrow is the day.

there is one non-bearded man whose music i particularly adore: john mayer, also lovingly referred to as johnny. my love affair with johnny has been a long lasting one, going all the way back to my senior year in high school. his music never fails to speak to my soul. it's like the soundtrack to my adult life.

who was there to console me when i hated college? john.
who opened my ears to the sweet sounds of acoustic guitar? john.
who helped to build my love of concerts and live music? john.
who gets the introspective wheels in my head turning? john.

tomorrow his newest album, battle studies, will be immediately downloaded to my computer and put on repeat. not to mention, the countdown to march, when i will see john from second row seats, will begin.

call me crazy, but in my life there are just some things that are staples: jesus, the Gap and, yes, john.

the way of the beard.

i can't lie: it's hard for me to resist a man with a beard. it's a surefire attraction for me. i think this affinity for beards also carries over into my musical taste. i had never thought about this before, until an article on NPR.com brought this brilliant parallel to my mind. the kind of music i like is typically made by men with beards: ray lamontagne, bon iver, iron & wine; they are all bearded and exceptional artists.

though the author of the article prefers a different, less pleasant and more wild, form of rock music, i find myself on the other end of the argument. i'll take a pensive and whispery song any day over insipid lyrics screamed through the speakers by a pretentious rock star. the bearded men are rock stars in their own right, without even having to try.

i say, if music is going the way of the beard, count me in.

bad little blogger.

i haven't posted much lately. in addition to a bout of extreme laziness, several things have been hindrances to my updating:

1. clinic
2. studying
3. sleep

however, now that my midterm is over, i shall return to the world of blogging. but not until after a much anticipated road trip to St. Louis, where adventures of the extended family, Gateway Arch and Joshua Radin sort will be had. bring it on, St. Louis.

perfect study soundtrack.

the weepies + iron & wine + alexi murdoch + joshua radin - bad piano player at the Union = music for studying for Traumatic Brain Injury (this, by the way, is the last real midterm of my grad school career!).

alright, back to my sweet music and learning about what could happen if you bust your head on the concrete. fun times.

it's still fall. i'm still in love.

in case you didn't know, i loooooove fall. the sights, the smells, the weather, the food, the holidays. you just can't beat it.

today was the first day at my new rotation, which is a daycare for kids with developmental disabilities. every hallway was decorated with construction paper leaves, candy corn, ghosts and jack-o-lanterns. what a fun place to be during this time of year! i wouldn't mind working somewhere like that (or, i suppose an elementary school...they never have a shortage of holiday decorations). it just makes me happy to be in that environment.


also, please take a look at the absolutely wonderful halloween cupcakes that my roomie made. two of my favorite things in one! i love it.

rock god.

i'm back from the U2 concert. it was awesome! whether you like him or not, bono is a rock god. how many other people front a band as popular as U2 and advocate for ending global poverty at the same time? pretty impressive. check out the activist organization bono founded called ONE.

success!

after several unsuccessful and unrewarding attempts at knitting, i decided to try my hand at crocheting, and...

finally!


progress is made (and it's only my first try)! i like this.

maybe someday i can make one of these:


meet Grephen, who was stitched by elimee. isn't he super cool?

i will return to knitting later. for now, i'm all about crochet.

word nerd.

"Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind."
-Rudyard Kipling

a professor of mine used this in a presentation today. it really struck me because it is such an accurate description. words can bring joy and devastation. words shape and change people's lives. words can be arranged and twisted into profound stories and lyrics. words are the foundation of our social networks and how we primarily communicate what we think and how we feel. words are the reason i love reading, writing, music, and speech pathology. perhaps it's a bit nerdy, but i love words.

goal for the week.

BEAT TEXAS.

tis the season.

it's october. perfect time for pumpkins, ghosts, witches and...vampires.

in honor of my favorite month, i decided to give twilight another shot. the first time i saw it, i loathed it. however, on this dark, dreary fall day, it was kind of poetic. not too bad. i guess rainy days and edward cullen go hand in hand. we'll see how new moon fares against its predecessor.

side note: i am so ready to watch hocus pocus, my favorite halloween movie!

oh, heavenly day.

today has been a perfect fall friday. here's why:

-enjoyed a cup of coffee and finished reading Hinds Feet on Hinds Places this morning (excellent book!)
-shopped the sales at the mall (Gap! Gap! Gap!)
-picked up food at a classic Norman restaurant (discovered that they serve peanut butter shakes. yum!) and had lunch at the park with the roommate
-laid under the big tree outside my apartment with said roommate and her little frenchie and reveled in the falling leaves, blue skies and crisp weather (welcome, october!)

peace, love and chucks.

i don't think it gets any better than this.

missy higgins + joshua radin + patty griffin's "long ride home" = wow.



could this be re-created when i see joshua in november? please?

allow me to netflix it.

people. i just joined netflix. you may be wondering, "where have you been?" good question. i am wondering the same thing myself. how did i not know the brilliance of netflix before? so many movies AND tv shows available for such a small price to pay.

i'm supposed to be getting Away We Go tomorrow. i'll probably watch it about 20 times before i send it back (i love that movie. so much). and then i'll start on season 3 of Heroes, which i sadly missed most of last year. such sweet joy!

again, why did i not know how amazing netflix is before now?

me too.

i've been thinking a lot lately about those two little words. a while ago i read Rob Bell's book Jesus Wants To Save Christians. in it, there is a passage where he mentions that Anne Lamott (author of Traveling Mercies, a book which i am very intrigued by and interested in reading soon) once said the most powerful sermon in the world is "me too." i'm seeing the truth in that more and more.

in those two little words, friendships are born. masks are removed. struggles are made less powerful. lives are healed.

i love how Rob puts it:

When you aren't judged,
or lectured,
or looked down upon,
but somebody demonstrates that they get it,
that they know what it's like,
that you aren't alone,
that's "me too."

in anything, whether it's someone sharing their deepest fears and secrets or just their interests and favorite things, "me too" binds people together.

what amazing power there is in just two little words!

sunny sunday.

though it's a little warm for my liking today, i will admit it's beatiful outside. i'm thankful for some time to enjoy God's goodness, remembering that in a world of uncertainty, He is the same all the time, always loving and faithful. He is bigger than my problems and my fears, and through it all He is so, so good to me.

just call me susie homemaker.

lately i've had an intense desire to learn and do all things domestic.

julie & julia inspired me to learn to cook. how fun would it be to pick up a cookbook and learn at least one new recipe a week? i'm currently a terrible (yes, really terrible) cook, so i've decided this is a vital skill to learn. first thing i'd like to make: the very seasonal pumpkin bread! mmmm...

project runway inspires me to learn to sew and make fun things like dresses and pillows. i'm also kind of obsessed with fabric.com, although, nothing beats walking through aisles of fabric, eyeing the prints and coming up with ideas for projects in your head. i love it.

recent trips to hobby lobby and michaels have rekindled my love of scrapbooking and interest in knitting. i had to control my spending to save myself from going into debt for the sake of crafting.

only problem with this: instead of having the opportunity to be susie homemaker, right now i have to be susie speech path. hopefully, someday soon i'll trade the homework and studying for cooking and craft projects.

gleefully watching.

so, i really don't watch much tv these days. gossip girl and project runway are about the only shows left, now that pushing daisies was tragically canceled. and let's be honest, the glory days of grey's are over. the fall tv schedule is a wasteland of stupid comedies and reality tv. however, in the midst of it all is a joyful little gem called glee. you made have heard of it or seen the first few episodes. i have a feeling it's going to be a good one. take a look:

bad day, worse week.

have you ever had a bad day, which is then followed by a week that is much worse than that single day? that's the week i've had. i'll spare you the depressing details and instead enlighten you about the things that are bringing me joy this week.

pumpkin spice lattes. new gossip girl. rainy days. wearing my chucks. fall scents at bath & body works. no class today. having time to read. caramel apples. new music from regina spektor and ingrid michaelson.

reading is cool.

pretty sure i need these books:


as a lover of all things classic, i think they would look quite charming on my bookshelf.

they could go right next to these books:


which are still waiting patiently to be read. yes, those bottom three are books from the lovely public library. i have to thank my friend emily, who is a librarian and who has reminded me of my affinity for libraries. way to promote literacy (and help my bank account), elimee!

check it out.

abel musaka: this guy is a local artist who has done some work with my church. i'm a fan.

transformed.

God has been teaching me a lot recently about just how redemptive and powerful His love is. i've been thinking about where i was just a few short years ago and comparing it to where i am now. to me, it seems like my life is not even recognizable. many of the things once important to me are no longer. several of my struggles and insecurities have been removed of their controlling status. it hasn't been easy. there have been new struggles and insecurities and, at times, a lot of heartache. but it has been completely worth it to see where i am now.

i remember reading a passage in Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis (if you've never read this book, read it. you won't regret it.) that spoke so powerfully to me about how God works in our lives, making us into something we couldn't even imagine. he describes a parable by a man named George MacDonald about human beings as a living house. He says:

"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains on right and stopping leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently he starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that he is building quite a different house from the one you thought of--throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself."

sometimes i don't understand what God is doing in my life, and sometimes it hurts, and sometimes i don't want to move forward. i want to stay right where i am because it's comfortable. but when i look back and see the changes He's already made, it only helps spur me on to better things. and in turn, it makes me fall that much more in love with the God who made me and the God who has plans for my life that i can't even being to fathom.

i'm not who i once was, and that can't be attributed to anything of my own doing, but only to the transforming love of Christ.

i love this verse:

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! 2 Corinthians 5:17

i couldn't help but wonder...

...after watching (and re-watching) the seasons of Sex & the City featuring Carrie's boyfriend Aidan:

are there any men existing in the world like Aidan?

seriously, what more could a woman want? he has it all.

absolutely gorgeous? check.
great personality? check.
city boy with an outdoorsy side? check.
romantic? check.
creative? check.
mr. fix it? check.
goal-oriented? check.
athletic? check.

i need to find this man. i'll keep searching.

life lessons from dawson's creek

so, i've recently been reminded of a great quote from an old favorite TV show of mine, dawson's creek (don't laugh). i've been feeling like an idiot lately in clinic, however, i've realized that that is ok. after all, isn't school for learning?

anyway, to set up the scene, joey's professor gives her some advice:

"If you can feel comfortable not knowing, you can learn anything, anything. And if not, well, then you've stopped before you've begun."

how true that is. thank you, dawson's creek.

doing cartwheels

today was the first day of my clinical rotation at a nursing home. while nursing homes are generally somewhat depressing places, some of the residents i encountered were bright and cheerful; that's the attitude i want to have when i'm in my 70s and 80s! it reminded me so much of my grandpa, who was always cracking jokes and had a smile on his face. getting older doesn't mean life has to be any less enjoyable, right?

one patient today, when asked to walk down the hall to the dining room, stated: "i don't feel much like walking. can i do cartwheels down the hall?" super cute.

it also reminded me of a song by an excellent band, The Reindeer Section, aptly titled "cartwheels." i had it in my head all day while i was chillin' with the old folks.

listen.

amos lee: it's hard not to love this guy. with a super smooth voice, compelling lyrics and soulful melodies, he won me over. it's music for hanging out in a coffee shop, talking about ideas, plans and dreams. my favorite.

falling into fall

the weather this morning is a cool 72 degrees. positively divine. the first signs of fall have arrived and i am in heaven. it's like an old friend who has been away for a while and comes back to visit. i love this season! so many good things are ahead: cooler weather, colorful leaves, OU football, wearing sweaters & scarves and Halloween! this year i am also incredibly excited about fall road trips to Dallas and St. Louis for concerts and to Dallas to see Rob Bell. i cannot wait!


countdown to fall: 25 days!

wishing i could be this cool

there are few people i could stand to be a little more like in this world. i'd like to share some reasons why they are so cool with you.

bethany dillon

she sings. she plays the guitar. she loves jesus in a refreshing and powerful way. she started writing music when she was 13 and released her first (and might i add, very good) CD when she was 16. if you haven't listened to her, you should! she's great. i kind of wish we could be friends. also, her new CD comes out on september 8!



zooey deschanel

she's an indie chick whose style evokes a vintage era. she is an actress, a singer, a musician (did you know she plays five instruments?) and has her own band: She & Him. plus, she does commercials. i pretty much love everything about this commercial: the music, her voice, the sets, the wardrobe. perfect.



brooke fraser

she's a new zealander who writes her own music and plays the guitar and piano, and in her spare time (ha!) writes and performs with Hillsong. plus, she does mission work overseas. she went to Rwanda a few years ago and named her newest CD Albertine, after a little girl she met there. i saw her perform live last summer and she was incredible! she's also insanely nice in person.



p.s. do you notice a common trend in all three of these? apparently one of the prerequisites to being cool is to be a musician. i better practice my guitar more and get to work on my album!

knitting: day one

i have finally picked up the hobby i've been wanting to do for while. i'm a knitter now! well, not quite. i haven't actually even knitted a tiny square yet, but it makes me feel more accomplished to say that i'm a knitter.

i found this book at Borders this afternoon:


someone clearly wrote this for me. knitting for peace? come on, it's so perfect! maybe i'll just make some socks for those little kiddos overseas to wear with their TOMS.

500 days of summer

it's the last day of summer. i have been waiting for this day for, oh, the last 90 days at least. i love summer, i really do...normally. however, this summer literally felt like it was 500 days long. it wasn't filled with normal activities like working at a carefree summer job, spending time outside, staying up late or just shenanigans in general. it consisted of sitting in class, studying, working in the clinic, endless hours of clinic paperwork, and the ocassional weekend road trip. it was like the limbo between college and "the real world."

BUT, to have an ending to the summer like this weekend was perfect. the combination of good friend, Wii party, good beer, mexican food, movies (500 Days of Summer included), shopping and reading of PostSecret books was just what this girl needed.

now, preparation begins for tomorrow, the first day of my last year of school. i like the sound of that.

a tribute to alpha gamma delta

i recently started reading Pledged, and it made me start thinking about my own sorority experience (needless to say, mine compared to those in the book was one of more sense than scandal). in honor of my years in alpha gamma delta, i would like to say a few things about why it will always be so near and dear to my heart.

thank you, alpha gam-
-for teaching me conflict resolution when sharing a bathroom with 20 girls
-for giving me a House Mom who was really more like a House Grandma
-for letting me live in a beautiful historic mansion for three years
-for teaching me the roles of leadership and servanthood
-for the stress (wearing heels for 12 hours a day) and joy (Bid Day) of Rush
-for muffin day and our cook's brownies
-for making me wear pajamas in public on Big/Lil night
-for sisterhood retreats and candlelightings
-for squirrels and pearls
-for giving me friendships that have lasted past the four years of college
-for helping to shape me into the person i've become

in the land of lattes and mochas

this summer i visited kansas city, a place where there are absolutely charming and wonderful coffee shops in every neighborhood, if not on every corner. i'm talking "mom and pop" shops, not Starbucks. while i do support the mega-chain on occasion, there are several things lacking in their business. unfortunately, it seems that Starbucks is the main option for coffee where i live.

because of this, i have a dream of opening my own coffee shop. however, in the likely case that that never happens, i will share with you my requirements for the perfect coffee shop so that someone may open a similar one in my place.

1. delicious coffee and tea, of course
2. big comfy couches and chairs
3. lots of tables
4. cozy, intimate corners for chatting
5. wireless internet
6. funky vintage decorations/works by local artists
7. live music on weekends
8. a mix of the best "coffee shop music" that plays non-stop

there you have it. if this kind of place existed, i would certainly be a regular.

**edit: i must say that there are two locations in oklahoma that come extremely, extremely close. cuppies & joe in OKC and the coffee house in Tulsa are amazing. the closest to perfection i've ever found. and that's saying something.

dear john mayer

john,

why do i love you so? probably because you keep making music that is uber thought-provoking and introspective, which in turn makes me think about my world and how i'm living. there are countless songs that you have written which i have easily related to: why georgia. love song for no one. in repair. say.

now, a new song from your much-anticipated new album: "half of my heart." yep, this is something i've been thinking about a lot over the past few months. am i really loving people with my whole heart? am i loving God with my whole heart? or am i being selfish and just doing things for my own gain? loving with half of a heart isn't really loving at all.

thanks for the reminder, john. keep up the good work.

suitcase heart

i was recently reading a recent blog post on To Write Love on Her Arms about friendship, and i started thinking about my friendships, those that are current and those of the past. i started thinking about how sometimes the weight of drama between friends and failed friendships makes my heart feel heavy. it's like i'm carrying around all these people in my heart, like a suitcase (i heard that description in a Weepies song and completely identified with it). after a while, it can become overwhelming and it can cause one to start to become distant from people.

after reading the post on TWLOHA, i remembered that no matter the pain and struggle that friendship can bring into our lives, it is worth it, for the arguments and the tears, the celebration and the joy. i can't imagine going through life without friends there to support you, to teach you and to love you. i love this description:

"He told me once that he believed friendship might be life's greatest gift. What an amazing thing to feel known and loved, to feel understood, to walk through life with another person."

my suitcase heart feels a little less heavy now, remembering the important place that each friendship has held in my life, no matter the ending.

get me outta here!

someone told me today that if i moved away from oklahoma i would be unhappy. whaaaat? i don't think that is even remotely possible. i want and need to move to another city in another state. the current options include chicago and portland (i'll throw kansas city in there too). just imagine the possibilities!

reasons why i would be happy in another city:

1. culture: museums, plays, concerts...need i say more?
2. weather: no temperatures over 85-90? perfect.
3. nature: something different than flat prairie land? amazing.
4. diversity: a place where people don't all look and think (mostly) the same? wonderful.
5. adventure: discovering new things to do and places to go? i'm in!

all in all, oklahoma has been a great place to grow up. however, while i'm young and unattached i feel the desire to venture out. now is the time for a change!

a store after my own heart

too precious for words. i would wear nearly every dress on this website. check it out: ModCloth.

message from God?

this came in the mail today. speaking to me through a Gap advertisement? that's a good one, God. really good.

on repeat.

Also, please listen to this:



Exactly how I feel right now.

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 2 Corinthians 4:8-9

just one more day.

tomorrow i will have finished three semesters of grad school.
tomorrow i will be one step closer to becoming a SLP.
tomorrow i will be free from studying for three weeks.

these happy thoughts, coffee and my iPod are the things keeping me going.

just one more day.

need to make this happen.

top five artists i need to see in concert ASAP:

1. joshua radin
2. ray lamontagne
3. the fray
4. patty griffin
5. the weepies

enough?

all of You
is more than enough for
all of me
for every thirst
and every need
You satisfy me
with Your love
and all i have in You
is more than enough

do i really believe that? recently God has laid this subject on my heart. after a difficult examination of my life, i think i have come to realize that there are some things standing in the way of God truly being enough for me. getting wrapped up in the materialistic things that our culture daily throws in our faces is an area of weakness for me.

i think God has been cultivating a desire in my life to live more simply for quite some time now. i have learned to want and need less and less, and i feel like i have grown tremendously in this area. i challenged myself during Lent this year to only purchase essential items, and God taught me so much during that season about simplifying my life.

however, i still feel the pull to buy things i don't need. i was reading a bit of the Irresistible Revolution today and really identified with a section on the "theology of enough." the author referenced a verse in Proverbs that says:

Give me neither poverty or riches,
but give me only my daily bread
Otherwise, I may have too much and disown You
and say, "who is the Lord?"
Or I may become poor and steal,
and so dishonor the name of my God.
Proverbs 30:8-9

of course, there is nothing inherently wrong with having money or "things." the problem only lies in what you put your hope in. for me, having too much is something that could easily separate me from the Lord. i want to be able to say that the Lord is really enough for me.

i. love. this.

who dances down the aisle to "forever" at their wedding? these people, i guess, and it looks they had a dang good time doing it. i love it when people are just themselves and don't let tradition or what other people think stand in the way of what they want to do. if you want to dance to chris brown at your wedding, do it. if you want to wear jeans to your wedding, do it. if you want to have cupcakes instead of a cake at your wedding, do it (that's what i'll be doing). live it up!

broadway, baby!

i've been in a musical mood today (favorite of the day: Rent). i just love them. seriously, how can you not love people randomly breaking out in song? wouldn't life be a little sweeter if that happened every so often?

i am quite ready to see Wicked (for the third time!) this weekend. a little trip to Oz is always welcome.

random facts.

in case you wanted to know...

- i am the proud owner of a Hello Kitty toaster that, no joke, prints Hello Kitty's face on every piece of toast. how cool is that?
- i prefer to drink most cold beverages out of pint glasses (like the ones you would get beer in at a bar).
- i love buying school supplies. it makes me so happy to get a new notebook and a fresh package of pens.
- i would love to live somewhere in the Southeast. i particularly adore South Carolina's whimsy.
- i get really excited about Halloween, and i have to bust out the jack-o-lantern decorations on the very first day of October.

what if?

And If I stumble, and if I stall
And if I slip now, and if I should fall
And if I can't be, all that I could be
Will you, will you wait for me?

what if we could love people in this way? to love in such a way that is free from judgment and free from expectation. to not dismiss people their time of need, but to love them and support them. why do we look down upon those who we think are worse off than we are? are we afraid that they will figure out that we don't have it all together either?

God is continuously waiting for us. He knows we are works in progress. He doesn't ask that we be perfect, just that we are open to changing. i know i fall down all the time. i make my fair share of mistakes. but through the grace and love of the Lord, i can be redeemed. how amazing it is to be able to take that gift of grace that God shows us and extend it to others. i want to live to love others in the same way He loves us.

what if we all loved in that way? what could happen then?

lovely weekend.

harry potter. duck pond. late-night conversations. mini-road trip. away we go. laughter. pops. personality tests. church. the earth deli.

time well spent with a wonderful friend.

chocolat goodness

if you haven't seen the movie Chocolat, you need to watch it. here is one reason, among many: beautiful truths.

"We can't go around measuring our goodness by what we don't do, by what we deny ourselves, what we resist, and who we exclude. I think we've got to measure goodness by what we embrace, what we create, and who we include."

sometimes a song says it best

i feel this:

I went up to the mountain
Because you asked me to
Up over the clouds
To where the sky was blue
I could see all around me
Everywhere
I could see all around me
Everywhere

Sometimes I feel like
I've never been nothing but tired
And I'll be working
Till the day I expire
Sometimes I lay down
No more can I do
But then I go on again
Because you ask me to

Some days I look down
Afraid I will fall
And though the sun shines
I see nothing at all
Then I hear your sweet voice, oh
Oh, come and then go, come and then go
Telling me softly
You love me so

The peaceful valley
Just over the mountain
The peaceful valley
Few come to know
I may never get there
Ever in this lifetime
But sooner or later
It's there I will go
Sooner or later
It's there I will go

-"Up to the Mountain," Patty Griffin

wise words.

"If the praise of man elates me and his blame depresses me; if I cannot rest under misunderstanding without defending myself; if I love to be loved more than to love, to be served more than to serve, then I know nothing of Calvary love."

-Amy Carmichael

cowboy take me away

confession: i have a bit of a penchant for country music. maybe it's because i grew up in the "south," or maybe it's because i have a lot of friends who have insisted i listen to it, but i enjoy it on occasion.

at one point i considered myself a city girl through and through, so the idea of listening to country music was completely unappealing to me. however, now i find something so real about country music. i think it speaks to the more carefree aspect of my soul, the part that just wants to kick up my heels and say "yee-haw!" (ok, i never really want to say that, but you get the idea). the music is entertaining and the lyrics are simple and always tell a story, whether it be uplifting or heartbreaking.

also, the idea of being in "the country," completely free, with no buildings or lights or loud noises sounds divine. the weight of my daily dependence on my planner and my cell phone is heavy. to be able to spend time with no schedule and no restrictions, nothing but God and wide open spaces (and maybe a cowboy of my own) sounds absolutely perfect.

i wanna walk and not run
i wanna skip and not fall
i wanna look at the horizon
and not see a building standing tall
i wanna be the only one
for miles and miles
except for maybe you
and your simple smile

oh it sounds good to me
yes it sounds so good to me

cowboy take me away
fly this girl as high as you can
into the wild blue
set me free, oh i pray
closer to heaven above
and closer to you

-dixie chicks

p.s. i just saw keith urban perform this weekend, and it was an excellent concert!

my prayer

chains be broken
lives be healed
eyes be opened
christ is revealed

-hillsong

uncovering my vintage heart

growing up, whenever my mom and i went shopping we always had to hit a thrift store or vintage shop. i hated it. rather, if there is an emotion harsher than hate, that was how i felt. it drove me crazy to browse at those stores, impatiently waiting on my mom to find whatever "junk" she could. at that point in my life, i was very much attracted to all things new and trendy. owning anything that was "old" or that had previously been used by someone else was appalling to me.

i find it quite humorous and ironic that now i find much intrigue in vintage and antique things, things from previous eras: clothes, household items, architecture, music. i think there is something so charming about old things. they have a story. they've been used and loved. they've played a role in shaping someone's life at a certain time. it's fascinating to imagine what the person who used to own them might have been like.

i haven't fully delved into the world of vintage shops yet, but it's on the list of things to do. i'd absolutely love to find some steals to add to my wardrobe or to furnish my future grown-up apartment. it's going to be wonderful to go on a search for things that are new to me, old to someone else.

thank you, mom, for introducing me to vintage treasures.

another reason why i love my (future) career

i have a class this summer on swallowing disorders. that probably sounds incredibly dull. i mean, who cares about how you swallow anyway? well, you probably would if you couldn't eat or if you had gobs of saliva pouring out of your mouth because you couldn't swallow (did you know the average person produces one liter of saliva a day?). it's a fascinating thing to learn about and quite important for our survival and quality of life.

one of our assignments for this class is to have a fiberoptic endoscopic evaluation of swallowing (FEES) done on us. we will have a tiny camera stuck through our nose and down into our throat to watch how we swallow. it's a little creepy, but it's going to be so awesome to see.

also, next year i will get to do a rotation with head and neck cancer and trauma patients at a hospital where we get to do swallow studies and watch surgeries where they remove the larynx. i cannot wait.

seriously, in what other field can your responsibilities span from playing games with preschoolers to working with patients who have just had major surgery? i love speech pathology.

current happiness.

• four weeks of school left, then three weeks of freedom before the fall semester


• the unintentional humor of preschoolers


• cupcakes and coffee, i.e. Cuppies & Joe (love this place)


• sales at the Gap


• weekend getaways to see friends


• discovering local restaurants


• G-chat


• trying new beers


• the upcoming release date of the sixth Harry Potter movie

radical.

on the heels of the last book i read, Jesus Wants to Save Christians by Rob Bell, and my weekend revelation that i'm quite liberal in my political beliefs (yet still somewhat conservative), comes the next book in my stack, The Irresistible Revolution: Living as an Ordinary Radical by Shane Claiborne. i am beyond excited to read this book. here's an excerpt:

"I have a confession I'm sure many of you will find refreshing and familiar. I don't really fit into the old liberal-conservative boxes, so it's a good thing that we are moving onto something new. My activist friends call me conservative, and my religious friends call me liberal. What I often get branded is radical. But radical is not something reserved for saints and martyrs, which is why I like to compliment it with ordinary. Ordinary does not mean normal, and I lament the dreadful seduction which has resulted in Christians becoming so normal. Thankfully, there is a movement of ordinary radicals sweeping the land, and ordinary people are choosing to live in radical new ways."

here's to the ordinary radicals who are out there fighting for justice and peace while following in the footsteps of the ultimate radical, Jesus. i can only hope to live in a way that i could be counted as one of them.

what's going on?

this video was made after 9/11, but i was recently listening to the original marvin gaye version on my iPod and was reminded of it. the problems we faced when this song was written are still present today and are probably even more prominent now than ever. i know that so often it's overwhelming to realize how messed up the world is, but that doesn't mean that we have to feel hopeless. change starts with you and me, with our attitudes and actions. i love what it says in the song and depicts in the video about dropping labels and prejudices, ending poverty and war, coming together and loving people.

we can help, even in the smallest of ways. find something to stand for. choose a cause to support. at the risk of sounding horribly trite, i really do believe we can all make a difference somewhere for someone else. and who knows, maybe someday that effort you make may turn into a revolution.

"If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor."
-Bishop Desmond Tutu

you've got mail

oh, how i love the sheer joy received from opening my mailbox and finding a letter waiting for me!

i know most people view snail mail as old fashioned and inconvenient. however, i see it as incredibly charming and sincere. i love seeing the handwriting of my friends or family on the page, each one of them unique and special. there is something so powerful to me about reading what my friend took the time to write so that i could read it just a few days later. e-mail is wonderful and quick, however, it cannot compare to the experience of receiving a written letter.

my love language is words of affirmation (if you haven't read the book The Five Love Languages, you should. it will change your life). encouraging and kind words make me feel most loved. i think this is one of the reasons why letters and notes are so appealing to me.

i will, of course, accept words of affirmation in all forms (spoken, e-mail, facebook messages, etc), however, letters are the way to my heart. now, if only i could find a man who would write me love letters. wishful thinking, i suppose.

return of the pie maker and chuck

pushing daisies season two comes out on DVD july 21! i absolutely cannot wait. no other show has quite captured what pushing daisies did with its clever story lines, charming characters and whimsical wardrobe. creative genius.

p.s. i need to marry lee pace (aka ned).

peace out.

i need to go on hiatus. this sounds pretty appealing to me:

i'm going north
up where the hunted hide with ease
under the arms of eye-less trees
up where the answers fall like leaves
and your love is all I need
i'm going north

-missy higgins

twenty-four.

i just celebrated my twenty-fourth birthday. wow. twenty-four? that's old, right? well, that's what i used to think. now i'm realizing how young that truly is. i don't know much, but i have learned a few things about life in my time. especially over the last year, i feel that i have really explored what makes me happy and have found my "niche." listed below are some things i already have an affinity for and and some things that i hope will soon become favorites.

present:
1. coffee shop music: i live and breathe for this stuff. if you don't know joshua radin and ray lamontagne, et al., you should get to know them. amazing music.
2. traveling: i want to see the world, and the list of places to go is endless! thank goodness i'm only 24.
3. being green: recycle, eat organic, buy less, use less. the earth will thank you.
4. reading: i feel more knowledgeable when i do. plus, it's a wonderful escape.

future:
1. guitar playing: i got an acoustic guitar for my birthday! i cannot wait to start jammin' on that thing.
2. knitting: this is not just your grandma's hobby anymore. i want to make awesome scarves and hats and random things like resuable coffee sleeves and cases for iPods!
3. politics: i need to be more savvy in this area, for real. i've always been pretty apathetic, but that's not ok with me anymore. it's time to pay attention.
4. mountain biking: my hot pink, purple and turquoise bike (lovingly known as "Sassy") is not going to cut it for the hardcore trails i want to ride. ;)

dave and matt

these boys are precious. love them. enjoy this little gem (and take note of matt's music of choice).

because one post today is not enough

speaking of serving others, i am a newfound supporter of this organization: to write love on her arms.

life is full of hardship and trials, some more difficult than others and most that we cannot understand. but we are here to love and to support each other through those times. i love how the creators of this organization decribe our role:

"We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home."

something to remember as we walk this road together.

hearts of servants

today i'm feeling the weight of our calling to live as servants, to serve Christ and others before ourselves. it's such a hard thing to do because our culture is so driven by doing what makes you happy or what can put you ahead. however, in order to follow Jesus, we have to die to ourselves. we must serve Him and serve others out of love and generosity, not out of obligation or expectation. when i worked at kanakuk, one of the big things they taught was the "i'm third" philosophy. God first, others second, i'm third.

i need the Lord to remind me of that frequently.

give us a picture of Your face
show us the measure of Your grace
reveal the love of the Father
put within us tenderness
release from us all selfishness
we'll consider them better
we are Yours
give us hearts of servants

-shane & shane

what i would rather be doing right now

oh, how envious i am of this sweet frenchie's favorite pastime. :)

there is freedom in surrender

the aforementioned song lyric has really been near and dear to my heart lately. i've had to consider some big decisions in relation to the next year. namely, quitting my job. most of me really wants to quit in order to eliminate the precarious balancing act between school and work. the rest of me feels guilty and worried about where my source of income is going to come from without those paychecks. how am i going to make it through the next year without a job?

ultimately, i have realized that there is no room for that worry in this situation. when you surrender those things to God, there is freedom. there is freedom from worry, from fear, and from regret. one of the biggest things i have learned is that He will provide. i just have to step out on faith and trust that He is not going to leave me hanging. when you surrender, there is no need for worry.

i find the following lyrics to be incredibly poignant right now. when i heard this song at church last weekend, it finally hit me. it's going to be ok. God is on our side.

in You, Lord
there is nothing to lose, Lord
our hope and our future
are safe and secure in You

there is nothing better. what amazing freedom!

pad thai and preschoolers

i'll admit it: i'm a believer in fortune cookies. yes, occasionally you will get the random saying that means nothing. however, i have found that typically the fortunes i receive can be applied directly to my life in one way or another. case in point:

fortune #1:
"you have a charming way with words and should write a book."

i have always had a love for words (call me nerdy, i don't mind), and at one point in my college career i was bound for a career in journalism. writing is something i find to be cathartic, and twisting words into a story is something by which i'm incredibly intrigued. to have the opportunity to do that would be amazing. clearly, i chose not to pursue journalism, but it's not out of the question to someday write freelance. anyway, the reason i find this fortune to be significant is because just under a week after receiving it, i began this blog. it may not be a book, but it definitely involves writing. i'm going with it.

fortune #2:
"you will soon emerge victorious from the maze you've been traveling in."

my life over the last year has been filled with nothing but copious amounts of school and work, with maybe a little play on the side. it has been a verifiable maze, for sure. most of the time i saw no end to the insanity. now, as i enter the beginning of my second year of graduate school, i can see things more clearly. i can see myself fitting into the speech pathology puzzle. my clinical rotation this summer requires me to work with preschoolers. although i came into the program believing that i wouldn't want to work with children, i have found myself growing ever attached to those little kiddos. i'm seeing that aspect of the field in a new light and am certainly enjoying spending my mornings singing songs and playing games. although the convoluted maze i was wandering through last year was demanding and difficult, it has brought me to my current position. i see that the end is drawing near, and that one day very soon i will be working in the field i am so passionate about. thank you, fortune cookie, for reminding me of that fact.

my suggestion: go eat some asian food of your choice, and find out what is awaiting you.

and the world spins madly on...

summer. oh, how i wish i had a real summer this year! alas, there is never a quiet moment in the life of a grad student. so many thoughts are running through my head right now, therefore i decided to create this blog. so...where do i go from here? what do i say? do i have anything to say?

in order to avoid the risk of saying too much right away, i'll start with a list of a few things that are currently inspiring me.

1. music: tifah al-attas, kari jobe, bethany dillon. these are people that love music and love the Lord and inspire me to combine those loves. a goal for the summer is to get a guitar and start learning! i can't wait.

2. nature: places like the one below, a view from my memorial weekend trip to branson. it may be just trees to you, but to me it's so vivid and fresh. it makes me feel alive! i love all the green. i could spend days and days in a place like this, pondering and reflecting on life.

3. people who give back: i recently watched the newest documentary from invisible children. unbelievably sad, but undeniably hopeful. three guys who are my age started this movement to free child soldiers in uganda. hearing their story makes me want to be better; it makes me want to do more to serve. there are so many ways we can do this. i've included a few links to my favorites.

invisiblechildren.com

mochaclub.org

tomsshoes.com